(原文來源: Digital Camera World)
Digital Camera World 日前刊出一篇酸意十足的文章，
諷刺一些技術還不是很純熟，但又喜歡嘴上說一些漂亮話的人。
對於那些知道自己在幹什麼的人，當然就不適用於這篇諷刺文。
原文總共列出32項，我挑出比較好笑的以下14項來跟大家分享。

當他說...
我主要都是用自然光拍
翻譯...
我用閃光拍超爛的，真的，超爛的。
When photographers say…
I work primarily with natural light.
They actually mean…
My flash exposures are awful. Seriously, they’re awful.

當他說...我都只有稍微後製而已。
翻譯...
Photoshop對我來說真的有夠複雜，
我只會用銳利化遮罩左右拉一拉之類的，而且還不知道那些滑桿到底有啥作用。
When photographers say…
I only carry out minimal post-processing.
They actually mean…
Photoshop confuses the heck out of me. I mean, I can shuffle the Unsharp Mask sliders left and right a bit, but I really have no idea what I’m doing.

當他說...我想表達的是按下快門那瞬間我的感受。
翻譯...
我看到東西然後就按下快門
When photographers say…
What I try to evoke through my photography is the feeling I experienced at the time of pressing the shutter.
They actually mean…
I see stuff and then take pictures of it.

當他說...我想用我的照片們來表達這些連續的瞬間。
翻譯...
我看到東西然後拍下來，不然就是我沒看到東西，然後用最高連拍模式希望可以矇到一些東西。
When photographers say…
I try to capture a fleeting moment in time in my images.
They actually mean…
I see stuff and then take pictures of it. Or rather, I don’t see stuff as I tend to shoot at the fastest frame rate and HOPE TO GOD I get something.

當他說...我比較偏好黑白攝影
翻譯...
噢~ 我愛死了黑白模式可以掩蓋我的差勁曝光，希望我爆掉的亮部和被剪裁的暗部不會太明顯。
When photographers say…
I prefer to work in the black and white medium.
They actually mean…
Man, I love the way I can rescue my bad exposures with a black and white conversion. Hopefully my burnt-out highlights and clipped shadows won’t be quite so obvious now.

當他說...
我想改成只用定焦鏡來拍
翻譯...
專業的攝影師只用定焦鏡對吧? 我也要跟他們一樣。
When photographers say…
I’m thinking of switching to just shooting primes.
They actually mean…
Serious photographers use primes, right? I definitely want to be one of those.

當他說...(對模特兒)擺出你覺得最舒服的姿勢就好了。
翻譯...
親愛的，老實說，我根本不知道要怎樣教你擺姿勢。
When photographers say…
(To a model) Just sit/stand how you feel comfortable
They actually mean…
Honestly, love, I really have no clue how to pose you for this picture.

當他說...老實說，相機對我來說只是工具而已。
翻譯... 真的老實說，我單眼相機上一半的功能我根本不了解，
這張照片是一樣工具拍的，而且那樣工具不是相機。
When photographers say…
To be honest, my camera is just a tool
They actually mean…
To be really honest, I don’t know what half the stuff on my DSLR does. There’s only one tool in this picture-taking partnership, and it’s not the camera…

當他說...我想上全幅。
翻譯... 我相信全幅相機會立刻讓我的拍出專業級的相片。
我也是這樣告訴我老婆/先生/伴侶的。
When photographers say…
I’m thinking of going full-frame
They actually mean…
I believe that a full-frame camera will instantly allow me to make professional-looking pictures. I know, tell me about it! That’s what I’m telling my wife/husband/partner, anyway.

當他說...
我越來越常用我的iPhone了。
翻譯... 我開始後悔我花那麼多錢在鏡頭上了，而且我也不能再這樣砸錢下去了。
When photographers say…
I’m beginning to use my iPhone more and more
They actually mean…
I’m starting to regret how much I’ve blown on lenses that I can’t face lugging around any longer.

當他說...我想要大光圈鏡頭。
翻譯... 我想要新玩具。
When photographers say…
I need a faster lens.
They actually mean…
I want a new toy.

當他說...我想跳系統。
翻譯... 我覺得我現在的高品質裝備是我不能完全發揮我創意的原因。
而且，我爬文看到另一個系統的ISO更乾淨半級，這對我這種不是靠攝影吃飯的人實在有天差地遠的影響。
When photographers say…
I’m thinking of changing systems
They actually mean…
I’m convinced that my current, high-quality gear is the real reason I’m not fulfilling my creative vision. Besides, I’ve read that the other system will give me a half-stop ISO advantage, and that really will make all the difference to someone like me who doesn’t make a living from photography.

當他說...這種光線很差。
翻譯... 我完全不知道怎樣運用這種光線來拍照。
When photographers say…
The light’s just not right
They actually mean…
I’m all out of ideas. I don’t know what to take pictures of in this light.